How To Strike Up A Conversation with Anyone, Anywhere, and at Anytime.

Hey wait up! My name is Rusty wanna play ball?

“Life is a conversation. Make it a good one.” — Glennon Doyle Melton

Over my career in the restaurant business, there’s one skill that I have developed and value most, the ability to talk to anyone.

When I first started taking tables, I was so nervous. Yes, customers were there to dine, so I had a real reason to talk with them, but at the beginning, that didn’t make my approach to the table any easier. It was terrifying.

More than anything else, I wanted a career in the restaurant business, so I really had no choice but to face my fears head-on. Doing so has paid off in a big way. In the social realm, the skill of being able to talk to anyone has allowed me to meet new people and be completely at ease in any kind of social situation.

So, what’s the secret of being able to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere?

The secret is a combination of three parts. Knowing the mechanics behind and key components of a conversation. Putting to practice your understanding of these parts and going out there and talking to people. The first two leads to the third, building your confidence with your conversational skills.

What is a conversation?

A conversation is when two or more people engage in verbal discourse. They share their thoughts, ideas, personality, history, profession, and their likes and dislikes.

Conversational flow and timing:

The best conversations are the result of many factors coming together perfectly. One of the most essential components of a great conversation is its flow. Rarely will a great conversation take place when one person is doing all the talking.

Think of your conversation as this incredible exchange of words, with a life of its own. It has a back and forth movement that is naturally rhythmic, like breathing. For a visual of this flow and rhythmic back and forth, think of the teeter-totter. It works best when there’s a balance between the two of you.

The flow is about sharing your time as equally as possible between listening and talking. Now, there will inevitably be some stories that are longer than others, and you may end up doing a lot of listening. I hope to find that rhythm when striking up a conversation with someone I have never talked to before. It doesn’t always happen, and that’s ok. It can be electric when it does happen, so it’s worth the wait.

What on earth do you talk about?

Suppose you don’t have anything interesting to say. In that case, you owe it to yourself, the people you know, and the future people you will meet, to start reading up and build your library of interesting things to say.

Dive deep into the things you love, music, movies, or sports, for talking points.

Talk about what you love and are passionate about. Not only will it be authentic, but it’s easier to talk about things you love. Authenticity is essential.

Get Out There & Talk To People!!

The Approach:

When you attempt to talk with someone, don’t take it personally if they don’t want to talk with you. This happens to everyone in social situations, and there is no reason to take it personally.

The more you get out there and talk with people, the more it will increase your confidence. You have nothing to lose, except time if the conversation goes nowhere. But everything to gain by confronting your fears and meeting new people.

Reading People:

The other determining factor is whether the person you’d like to strike up a conversation with is in the mood to talk. People will either want to converse with you or not. It’s no big deal.

People tend to make their wishes very clear in this regard, and I have found this to be a universal truth, no matter where you are. Clues that someone isn’t in the mood for a conversation while you are trying to strike one up are little to no eye contact, short one-word responses, and they’re not smiling. It will be obvious.

You can feel the difference between someone interested in talking with you and those who aren’t.

The reasons why some people who don’t want to talk don’t matter. The reasons are theirs; all you need is to be mindful and respect their desire to not talk. If your attempt fails, don’t take it personally; make your goodbye easy and breezy.

By not being offended or taking it personally, you can make your moving on quick and painless for you both. Sincerely wish them a nice day or good night, then move on.

Be open to the process of going with the flow. Knowing that your attempt can go anywhere. You can have no conversation, a boring conversation, or a great conversation.

So, what to open the conversation with?

Bring to your conversations some positive energy and be honest! Don’t gossip or be critical of someone or something.

In general or work situations…

How’s it going?

Where are you from?

If you are at a party/restaurant/bar…

Have you been here before?

What should I order?

This place is great! or I love this place!

Avoid asking…“Do I know you from somewhere,” or “you look familiar,” if it’s not true!

Many of us have a sixth sense for a line. A line becomes a line when it’s insincere B.S.! To improve your chances of having a great conversation, be yourself and be honest!

Make A Statement…

A compliment is a great way to start a conversation. Don’t tell someone you love their shoes, jacket, or whatever if you don’t. Genuine compliments are golden and can go a million miles because you’re being honest. Compliments also have the potential to make someone feel good, maybe smile even, and then you are associated with that good feeling.

It’s an opportunity not only to strike up a conversation, but you also just might make someone’s day.

How do you keep the conversation going?

Here are a few of my favorites if I am struggling in a conversation.

If you could go back in time or into the future, what would you choose? — I’ve had some great conversations with people with this question :)

What was the first concert you went to?

What was the last concert you went to?

The ability to talk with people is an essential life skill. Hopefully, some of these tips will help you get out there and take some steps to get the conversation going. The most common problem you will encounter when you open yourself up to talking with anyone is that you might find yourself stuck in a boring conversation.

Just as there are conversations openers, there are polite ways to close the door. My small bladder works for me every time!